Simply
by Jula Mathis
Summary: A legacy she never wanted and a love that has always been forbidden. For Alisha, the choice should have always been so simple.
**Disclaimer:** _ **Tales of Zestiria**_ **and all other titles in the** _ **Tales**_ **series belong to Bandai Namco. This work is simply the work of a fan of the series and is not intended to be sold for profit.**

 **Author's Note:** Welcome to my first _Tales of Zestiria_ fan fiction, _Simply_. This is a one-shot story that takes place after the events of Alisha's DLC but before the epilogues of the game. Though this story is a one-shot, it is also loosely linked to my _Tales of Xillia_ main project, _End of an Era_. Some of the things mentioned in this story will be later turn up in _End of an Era_ , but this story and my main project are not reliant on one another and both can be read without knowledge of the other.

Before I get ahead of myself, please be aware that this is a shoujo-ai (female x female romance) story, focusing on the trials and tribulations of Alisha and Rose's relationship over the course of approximately 20 years after Alisha's DLC. If you are not interested in reading about such a relationship, please refrain from reading further. Also, there is a lemon scene for this story, but like my main project, the uncutversion can be found on my blog.

For those still interested in reading this bittersweet tale, I hope you all enjoy. With that said, let's get to the story!

* * *

 _Simply_

I've come here again, come to the one person I could never run away from. Here, before the world that we saved, before the era that we brought about, I stand.

I close my eyes and think of days past, remembering the words exchanged, the embraces we shared, and the tensions of my heart. Thinking of these days fills me with joy, with laughter, but at the same time, sadness and tears. Our time together was short, yet bittersweet. Throughout our years together, you had always shown me another side of myself I never knew, a side that I could never show anyone else. You taught me, you inspired me to be more, and yet it was always me who stopped us from going any further than we did.

The day shines bright, the wind gentle to the touch, to many this would be a fine day indeed, but to me, I see also see darkness, I feel chills, and most of all, I feel my heart breaking once again.

"Wilkis Wilk…" I whisper your true name.

* * *

"Tomboy!"

"Are you sure that's actually a girl?"

"She thinks just because she's a princess she can do whatever she wants."

I always knew I was different growing up. The teasing from the other children, the harsh treatment, and the daily exercise of being ostracized, I knew I could never be like them. I never understood back then why I was different, why I had to be different. There were days when I felt like I could just be like everyone else, to be 'normal'.

"She still thinks she can be a knight?"

"The battlefield is no place for a princess."

"War isn't another a place for a tea party; she should just go back to sitting on her throne."

Even as an adult, I felt no different. The nobles, soldiers, and even civilians thought little of me just because I wasn't the typical princess. They thought of me as little more than a noble trying to play soldier, someone of little worth who was struggling to find her place in the world. Perhaps I was just trying to find my place in the world back then, perhaps I already knew my place in the world but just wouldn't admit it…

* * *

"Step right up folks, we've got the latest wares at prices that'll make you think we fell down the stairs!"

I was no more than sixteen when I first laid eyes upon you; I remember how even back then you always had that beaming charisma, your way with words and the enthusiasm that always attracted everyone to you. Even one as timid as I found myself attracted by your bubbly speech, your tender smile, and your zealous spirit; I remember my heart beating slowly against my ribcage, my throat becoming parched despite not being thirsty, and the air around me growing light. I had a sudden urge to speak with you, to approach you so that I could get a better gaze of your fiery red hair, your sky blue eyes, and cream-like skin.

And then it happened; it was for a moment, but your gaze fell upon my own, that same bubbly smile on your lips subtly changing as you saw me, the beaming of your thin lips lightening slightly, your face becoming more relaxed. Your smile, I remember it sent a jolt through every nerve of my body, how it accelerated my heart's pace and ignited the air around me, my face burning as our eyes remained focused.

Yet I found myself fleeing a moment after, my cheeks burning and my heart rapidly pacing. It was a feeling I was all too familiar with, a feeling that always brought me to shame back then. Familiar words that guided my life always echoed in my ears whenever I felt these things, words that I wish I could have learned to ignore much sooner…

* * *

"The bridge looks better than ever," I remember inspecting the newly rebuilt bridge to Marlind. "But that just means…"

"Alisha!" a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Sorey!" I turned around, only to find my heart skipping a beat.

To my shock, you were walking beside our friend that day. Again my eyes were focused on your curled lips, your scarlet red hair and sky blue eyes. The same feeling from years ago had quickly come to the forefront. I felt I could lose myself just staring into the eyes, those deep blue eyes that cast an infinite reflection of myself whenever I stared at them. Yet I knew now was not the time to lose myself, choosing my next words so that it reflected a safer subject.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned. "And the others?"

"Hey!" you simply waved.

The way you greeted me was rather friendly, almost in the same manner you used when you greeted your customers. I wanted to think that maybe it was a little different, maybe more natural, but maybe I was just reading too much into your greeting. Regardless, I tried to keep my composure, doing my best to speak naturally with my next words.

"Rose, wasn't it?" I asked, having overhead one of your fellow merchants call your name during the Sacred Blade Festival not too long ago. "You were with the Sparrowfeathers who came to the palace."

"Hahaha! Nice to finally meet you in person, Princess Alisha."

"Just 'Alisha' will do."

"Rose is helping me out big time!" Sorey added.

"As Squire?" I inquired.

"Don't worry. She's doing a great job."

"I see," I said, trying to keep myself grounded once more. "I'm sure it helps that you've grown into your power, but still Rose must be incredibly special."

"That's the nicest thing I've ever heard!" you beamed.

"Heh-heh… Well, you and Sorey are so alike."

"That's… not the nicest thing I've ever heard," you crossed your arms, slightly disappointed.

"Very true! My apologies!"

"Hey. What are you apologizing for?!" Sorey questioned, to which we both giggled in response.

This was natural, this seemed right. I found myself smiling just from hearing your voice, my head felt as if I were walking amongst the clouds. I never imagined I could speak to you like this, to talk as if we were on equal ground. Yet were we truly on equal ground?

* * *

"Our paths are different."

"Rose…"

"Got it?"

It was that one night in Lastonbell that awakened me, that maybe weren't on equal ground as I had originally thought. What I thought about you, the idealistic woman who I thought could be nothing but nice, was suddenly being hurtful toward me. For a moment it felt as if the world around me was falling apart, and so…

It was the first time I struck someone out of anguish, out of raw emotion outside the battlefield. The way my heart sank as you coldly spoke, the way you mocked our friendship, I simply couldn't accept any of it, and so, I couldn't help but lash out. The way my palm stung after I struck your cheek, I had hoped it could at least show the agony I was feeling in that moment, believing maybe it would awaken you to how I had felt.

"I've… I've ALWAYS been-"

Yet it was also the first time that someone would react in the exact same manner as I. The pain behind the blow was different; it was more than a simple slap. It felt cold and heavy, as if you were reaching into my very soul and extinguishing the fires within.

"What? You've never had someone fight back? Oh right, I guess not. Can't touch the pretty pretty princess."

"You don't know the first thing about me!"

Anger and sadness quickly possessed me at that point, my palm once again coming forward in the same manner as before. I remember more hurtful things were said that night, as well as more physical exchanges, our palms striking against each other's faces after every statement we spoke.

It was a bittersweet night back then, and yet, I'd also like to think it was the first step we took into truly becoming friends, into becoming more than friends. That night, I poured my heart and soul to you, and yet you tried your best to push me away. I understand now that you acted in such a way to protect me from getting hurt, from the tears that might have come upon learning of Sorey's death. Yet you were protecting yourself as well, almost as if you couldn't bear to show me your vulnerable side. Or maybe it was I who could not bear to be vulnerable…

* * *

"All right, your turn! Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Really, again? Man you're no fun!"

As time passed, we had only become closer, with you sometimes even stopping by my manor in Ladylake. Often times we indulged in the local restaurants and cafes, admired the scenery just outside the castle walls, or even had slumbering parties once night had come. More often than not, we shared laughter, we shared our dreams, and most of all, we shared each other's company. Friendship, so this is what true friendship was I thought. And yet…

"All right, all right, dare," I decided to concede.

"Okay then…," you began to contemplate aloud.

You were always quite the prankster, always more willing to risk getting into trouble or taking risks even if the probability of a favorable outcome was low. I could only assume back then that you were going to have me do something just as daring and reckless, something that could have gotten me into trouble if I had been found out. However, nothing could have prepared me for what came next.

"Kiss me," your dare had caught me off guard.

"What?"

"Kiss me. Not on the hand or cheeks either like you highborn folk do, but on the lips."

"On the lips?" I questioned as my throat suddenly dry. "…Rose, you can't-"

"Oh what's the matter, 'fraid you'll enjoy it?" you teased, playfully running your finger against my mouth.

"…no, that's not it…"

"Oh, I'm sorry, is it because it'll be your first?" you continued to jeer. "If it makes you feel any better, they're quite smooth thanks to the lip liner I use every few hours. Come on, you know you want to."

"S…stop teasing me, Rose, it isn't appropriate."

"Well it's too late to back down now. You chose 'dare' after all."

"But that's because you-!"

"Gonna play the blame game now? Come on, scaredy cat, lay it on me."

I don't know what came over me at that moment; whether it was your persistence or my own diminishing patience, I found myself suddenly taking hold of your shoulders and my lips pursing forward. In an instant I felt your skin pressing against mine, your very touch practically freezing time itself. I remembered the smell of the flower that shared your name permeated from your breath as we embraced, the taste of the delicate flower lined perfectly and sweetly within the skin of your mouth. I felt myself practically melting as we continued to touch, the nerves in my body tingling the more my skin pressed into yours.

Yet within that embrace, I remembered a familiar pain, a memory that had long been engrained in my head. I remembered a stinging sensation and a tear in my heart, as well as cruel words that had haunted me for practically all of eternity. Even though there was a tinge of regret, this memory would soon fade, fading as our mouths finally parted and time began to resume once more.

"…well, aren't we passionate?" you continued to jest, your comment causing me to turn a bright red. "I didn't exactly say it had to be that long; a simple quickie would've worked."

"Sh-shut up! This was all because you-!"

"Ooh, now that was hot!" a third, unwelcome voice suddenly entered our conversation. "You two mind doing it again?"

"Knock it off, Zaveid!" we both yelled at the wind seraph, the two of us throwing a pillow in his face.

A kiss, that's all it was supposed to be, a simple dare from a simple game we played. And yet, was it more than just a kiss that night? Rose, was this the exact moment we fell in love? Was it when we first met on that bridge many years ago when you were still a Squire? Was it when we fought at the inn in Lastonbell? I don't know the answer, but my thoughts always bring me back to that fateful night, the night before my wedding…

* * *

I didn't know what to think back then, I didn't know how to react to his proposal. The truce between Hyland and Rolance was practically sealed at that point, the events that occurred during the Age of Chaos having almost been forgotten. It's true that Sergei and I were the frontrunners for peace between our two nations, the two of us often working together to meet with various politicians and parties in order to facilitate the truce. With the truce now official, we knew our work for now was done, and yet both nations believed one more action was needed in order to finalize the deal.

It's horrible for me to say this, but I can't even remember the day Sergei had asked me to marry him. It wasn't just the day, but I can't even remember the place or how he proposed; the only thing I recall was that he wasn't asking me, Alisha Diphda the woman to be his bride, but Alisha Diphda, the Princess of the Hyland Kingdom. Not even thinking of the repercussions, I agreed to his proposal, at least for the sake of finalizing the unification of our lands.

Things had just passed by so rapidly on those days that I can't even begin to recall the preparations for the ceremony. No, it's more like I did nothing to prepare for the ceremony; again it was my name that carried everything forward, with all my whims carried through by servants and others willing to complete tasks for me. During those days, it felt like I couldn't even lift a finger to drink of a cup, instead having some servant take it for me and tipping it toward my lips in my stead. It was suffocating, and above all, frustrating that I could do nothing, not even leave my quarters without someone asking me if they could go out in my stead.

Eventually, my frustrations had reached their climax on the day before my wedding; it was already late at night when I chose to run away. It wasn't that I was going to disappear for good, but I needed some air, some space, to clear my mind of everything that was going on around me during the last few months. I thought taking a short walk in Pendrago's streets at night would alleviate the stress. There would be no one to bother me I thought, no one to question me about the wedding. I could finally just be me, I could finally just be alone. And yet…

"Well well, what have we got here?" your chipper voice helped clear some of my muddled thoughts. "Do we have a runaway bride on our hands here?"

Turning around, I saw you and the others standing there. I couldn't help but breathe a true sigh of relief upon seeing you all, to finally be amongst people who truly knew me and I could be myself with.

"Getting cold feet, your majesty?" the wind Seraph was the next to speak. "If you want, I don't mind helping you warm up with some body heat…"

"Picking up on an engaged woman, you know it will only leave you burned in the end, Zaveid," Lailah commented next, attempting to use another one of her infamous puns.

"It's good to see you all," I greeted each of my friends.

"Tomorrow's your big day, right?" Mikleo asked. "There's no way we'd miss it."

"Big, huh? Maybe you will miss it unless you're standing on someone's shoulders," the earth Seraph sarcastically commented to the water Seraph's words.

"What are you talking about, you're shorter than me!"

"If you haven't noticed, Meebo, I'm an earth Seraph; I can easily create a pillar to make me stand on a higher point than you could ever reach."

"Edna, stop talking down to Mikleo," the fire Seraph tried mediating the two's argument, unintentionally using another pun as she spoke.

"Not you too, Lailah!"

"Anyways, we just got in town," you tried changing the subject amongst the Seraphim fighting. "Not sure if you'd be up for it, but wanna grab a bite of some famous Pendrago Stew at the inn before we call it a night?"

"Sure," I couldn't help but smile at your proposal. "It'd be nice to catch up on things."

"All right you guys, we'll see you all in the morning," you waved off the others as we made our way to the inn, the two younger Seraphs still arguing as the elders tried mediating the argument.

* * *

Dinner that evening was a pleasant change of pace. You told me how you were now wandering all over Glenwood and suppressing the few hellions that still existed. For that matter, you were also looking for individuals that had developed the ability to see seraphim, to prepare them all to become the next generation of Shepherds. So far you had found a small few who had possessed this ability and directed them to Elyssia to live and train amongst the Seraphim there. It had been about two years since that fateful day, that day when Sorey selflessly gave his life to end the Age of Chaos. Those days may have passed and things were just now beginning to settle it seemed. At least, things around the world began to settle.

"So why Sergei?" you suddenly asked, pouring the both of us another glass of wine. "I get it that he's a military guy like you, but I just don't see anything else he's got going for him."

"Sergei's a good man," I said before taking the glass to my lips. "He was just as if not more passionate as I was in advocating peace between our two countries. He always puts it upon himself to do even the most mundane tasks instead of simply giving them out to his subordinates. That and he is an excellent swordsman from what I hear."

"Okay…, but that still doesn't answer my question."

"What do you mean? I informed you of the qualities I admire about him."

"Yeah, 'admire' is the key word here," you pointed out. "Hm, how do I put this…? Do you actually love him?"

It was the first time anyone had ever asked me that question throughout this entire ordeal. Love, the idea of love was still foreign to me at the time. It's not that I had never longed for anyone, or felt uncomfortable yet empowered in the presence of another, but I was aware even back then that those were merely what people called 'crushes', but love…

"…I don't know what you mean…," was all I could reply.

"It's a simple question," you repeated, as sure of yourself as ever. "Do you love him or not?"

Again I fell silent. I didn't know how to answer your question back then; back then I would have easily dismissed it as the alcohol that was beginning to cloud my sense of reason, but in truth, I hadn't really gotten to know Sergei too much on a personal level. The things I did learn, I admit that he gave me the impression of an admirable man, but other than that, I simply didn't know.

Any other person might have called off the wedding upon reaching this realization, but I knew at this point I could not. If our marriage was to solidify the union between our two countries, then so be it. Yet your question still lingered in my mind back then, the question of whether I loved him or not. In the present, I know of my answer, but back then, I was still unsure about him, about us…

"…sorry, didn't mean to give you a case of cold feet," you broke the strange silence hanging over us. "It's probably the wine talking. Anyhoo, I should probably call it a night."

The moment you began to stand out of your chair, I noticed your legs were slightly wobbling. Reacting as quickly as I could, I quickly found myself pushing the table slightly to the side, my legs swiftly standing forward and my arms catching you. You remained completely still when I held you there, your left hand taking a firm grip on the fabric of my dress. Your question quickly vanished from my mind in that instant, your current state having gained my full attention. I was worried about you back then, I simply couldn't leave you be regardless of whether or not I had to return to my quarters that evening.

"Rose, wait here," I sat you back down on your chair. "I'll get us some lodging for the night. Don't try and get up."

"Gosh, aren't we chivalrous?" you mockingly joked as I approached the innkeeper.

* * *

It was soon after that I brought us to our quarters for the evening. You were adamant that you could walk on your own, that you didn't my help, but I couldn't help persist. I remember carrying you to our room for the evening, how I wrapped your arm around my shoulder and kept you close should you fall once again. Even though I myself wasn't feel at my best, I felt that I had to take responsibility for your current state, that I had to ensure you would be okay.

Yet as I held you, it was the first time I noticed that we were of the same height, how every time I looked back at you, your sky blue eyes would be staring back at mine. I didn't know why back then, but each time our gazes met, I felt my chest tightening and my body growing hot; perhaps it was the alcohol I thought back then, that maybe I had consumed more spirits than I would have like to have believed. I tried to avert my gaze the moment I realized you were staring back at me, looking at me with that mischievous smile on your face.

"Oh, and just what were you staring at just now?" you couldn't help but quip. "If I were anyone else, I would stare too; you know I was also the face of the Sparrowfeathers for quite some time, men from faraway villages would sometimes travel the entire continent just to come see me set up shop."

"Knock it off, I wasn't staring!" I found my cheeks burning upon hearing your statement.

"Oh don't be shy," you continued to tease, your finger playfully petting my cheek as I unlocked the door to our room.

"Anyway, we're here now!" I quickly said, opening the door as quickly as possible.

"Fine, fine, be a killjoy," you sighed as you walked in, placing both of hands behind your head as you entered nonchalantly.

The moment I shut the door, a realization suddenly hit me one that I had never thought of whenever I was with someone else. We were alone, just the two of us. Even during our meetings over the last two years, Lailah and the others were always with us, despite the fact that they would hide their presence from us at times by using you as a vessel, but this time, they were away, possibly still arguing outside for all I knew. For the first time, for the very time since we had met, we were alone, all alone.

Again I was blaming the alcoholic beverages for the dryness in my throat, the sweat beginning to pour down my brow, and the hastening of my heart. I was feeling light-headed, but no matter how much breath I drew, I continued to feel a sense of…euphoria. The sounds of night became duller by the second, the sound of my own pulse slowly overwhelming my hearing. I thought I was going to lose myself at any moment, that I was going to pass out. Believing this, I quickly turned around in hopes I could reach one of the beds in time, only to stop myself before I could take a single step.

"Wah!" I almost found myself falling over, finding you standing directly in my path. "Rose, what are you…? Never mind that, you should get some rest."

"Hm hm," you giggled to my dismay, that mischievous smile still worn on your face. "You didn't think you were going to get off that easy, did you?"

"Get off easy? What are you ta-?!"

My remaining words were suddenly halted, your lips suddenly pressing forward as if you were swallowing the remaining syllables I had yet to speak. I felt my heart suddenly halting within those brief seconds, my eyes unblinking, and the around us growing still. I found myself paralyzed by your sudden gesture, not sure of how to react. It was like our slumbering party again, how time practically froze as we touched and that indescribable warmth that filled my being. I was losing myself again, losing to a single gesture. Yet before I knew it, time itself seemed to play once more, continuing without my knowledge until the morning after.

Rose, were you able to recall everything that happened the night before? I'm ashamed to admit this, but I cannot recall the specific details of everything that occurred; my mind instead remembering more of what happened the morning after.

* * *

I remember waking to the heat of the morning sun, how it breathed life onto my flesh. It was a strange feeling having the light brush against my skin, not once can I ever recall bathing its rays without some form of clothing over me. I remember my head also somewhat aching, my body fatigued despite having had a full night's rest. I concluded it was the alcohol at work again, that this was the first time I had actually drank myself into unconsciousness.

"Ugh…, I remembered hearing a familiar groan echoing beside me.

It was then that I began to open my eyes, my vision hazy for but a few seconds. At first all the colors and blended into a cohesive sight, but with every passing second, the spectacle before me only grew more clear, my eyes widening with every instance. Finally everything had settled again, my heart practically jumping out of chest the moment I saw you lying there, sleeping beside me completely naked. I was bewildered at first as to why we were in this position, but soon flashes from the night before began to permeate my thoughts.

My cheeks would only burn as I remembered more specific details and the illicit nature therein. It was shameful, I believed, disgusting even. If anyone had ever found out about our actions from the night before, I knew I would be condemned by the rest of society. I was fearful of this, I was angry, saddened even. And yet above everything else I was feeling and against my own reserves, there was another emotion I refused to admit back then…

I remember being paralyzed the moment you first kissed me, my mind racing in circles as the events that I was to partake in the future were scolding me. This is wrong, my conscience told me, you are to be married. You must remain pure, it's shameful to even think of anyone other than your future husband to touch in this way. Purity, you must remain pure my conscience's voice would try to order.

Then I remembered 'her' voice, 'her lecture of society and where those that lay with the same gender stood. The stinging sensation on my face was fresh again, as was the harsh, cold tone that was spoken that day.

Yet on the other hand, there was another side of me I had never heard of speak in that moment. It was asking me to indulge in your embrace, to live in this moment. This other voice, it begged me to continue, to set myself free. I could never have begun to imagine it could be so empowering, so beautiful, so right. And yet as we kissed, I felt a warm sensation slowly fill me, a flood of heat that began to swell in parts I dared never speak of nor touch prior.

One half was quickly winning over the other, my conscience fading for the first time. It was unheard of, it was unbelievable, and yet, I knew that this winning voice was coming from my heart.

I recalled vaguely of the remaining events that occurred, how we stripped each other of our clothing, how we continued to embrace with our bickering mouths, how your fingers reached for every surface and crevice within me, the budding fires that continued to grow from your very touch, and the ecstasy I had never felt until the flames finally reached their climax.

Despite how much we had drank, I remembered the smell of roses permeated from your breath with ever kiss, the taste of the delicate flower lined perfectly and sweetly among your lips. I remember your lips delicately plucking at my own at first, how you barely left any space between our mouths as you caressed them. I remember how your hand gently pet against my cheek, as if you were trying to pull me even closer. I then recall that same hand running down the drape of my neck, taking hold of my breast. I remember the gentle knead of your hands and fingers, how they tickled ever fiber of my being, how a simply pinch could bring me such pain and pleasure. I remember the disappointment as you left the budding peak soon after, only to feel pure bliss once again as your palm glided further, your digits caressing my skin and traveling further until…

Shame immediately overwhelmed at that point, my arms immediately reaching for the sheets that were supposed to cover me, wrapping my entire self in the cotton fabric. I wanted to hide myself from the world at that point, I wanted to throw myself into a fire and forget every fragment of that memory from existence. Even though I felt ashamed and wronged, there was one fact that permeated over everything else. I had enjoyed every second of it…

"Ugh…," you grumbled, having finally woken now.

Slightly lowering the sheets from my face, I saw you still struggling to awaken. You too seemed as confused and groggy as myself, possibly even thinking about what happened. For whatever reason, I found my cheeks burning again as I saw you, my head quickly turning away as if I was turning my back on the humiliation I had incurred the night before. I believed you would do the same thing in fact, that perhaps the spirits had gotten the best of both of us. Yet what I did not expect however, was what you did next.

"Morning, lover!" you breathed into my ear.

The very air that escaped your lips caused me to jump from bed, taking the sheets with me and keeping them close as I instinctively backed myself into a corner. In spite of what happened, you were still smiling at me, the same way you always did whenever you tried to tease or joke with me. I was hoping this was just your way to ignore the disgrace, that you wanted to simply wanted to jest about the night before, and yet you continued to look at me with that smile, that loving smile that only I had come to know.

"Oh what's the matter?" you continued, placing your hand upon my cheek again. "Does my breath smell that bad, or-?"

"Don't!" I quickly slapped your hand away.

I couldn't bear to look at you, the very sight of your hair, eyes, mouth and body continued to remind me of the forbidden acts we committed. Again I was filled with disgust, disgust in myself for even going through such things and enjoying every moment. I didn't want to be reminded of it at all, and yet, I didn't want to end our relationship. Knowing this, I chose my next words carefully, my eyes still turned away from yours as I spoke.

"Rose… …last night, you and I…"

"…so we had sex, what's the big deal?" you finished my words for me in your usual uncouth manner.

"Of course it's a big deal!" I exclaimed. "As a Princess of Hyland, I was supposed to remain pure until my wedding night, but then we… We…!"

"Well if you wanna get technical, I don't exactly have the right anatomy to take your 'purity' so to speak," you again spoke without any shame.

"That's not it!" your words only infuriated me further. "We're both girls. Such actions are shameful, the act of…sex…itself is supposed to be so that a man and a woman can procreate; for two of the same gender to even attempt such an act is meaningless!"

The moment I said these words, I saw your lips quickly melt. It was clear at that point what I had said clearly hurt and I immediately began to regret saying them. I tried to speak again, but then you were the one to open your mouth first.

"…meaningless huh?" you questioned. "So I'm guessing that's what all this is, meaningless?"

"Rose, I didn't mean it in that way," I tried to amend the situation. "You and I are friends! I just don't want things to get awkward between us. I want us to move on and-!"

"Awkward, is that what you call what happened last night?" your eyes turned into daggers. "Well I'm so sorry for making things so awkward in our meaningless relationship, Your Highness!"

"Rose-!"

I found myself suddenly being slammed into the wall soon after, your body once again pressed against mine. I simply stood there as you pressed me against the surface, my gaze locked on your narrowed pupils. It was the first time I saw you angry, truly angry, not like the night in Lastonbell two years ago. I saw the tears swelling in your eyes, the very sight causing my own to tear. Your hold on my arms was still tight, almost enough to crush my bones if you were to continue. I was prepared for any punishment you had in store for me, whether it was you striking me with your fist or even impaling me with one of your daggers, but I wasn't able to foresee what you did next.

Again I found your lips pressing against mine, my body once again becoming frozen from your very touch. It was as clear as day this time, my nerves and muscles already melting from your very embrace. The sheets covering me soon fell to the floor, my body relaxing further as I gave into your kiss. There was nothing to cloud my judgment this time, nothing to hold me back from the truth. I was enjoying this, I took pleasure in your embrace, but again, like the child I was, I was still in denial.

My arms quickly acted now, taking hold of your own and pushing you backward. Again I continued with its will, my left palm quickly swinging forward, striking your cheek as my remaining arm tried to cover whatever part of my body I could.

"Stop it!" I ordered. "We're friends, Rose, that's all we can ever be!"

Unlike two years ago, you did not retaliate, instead remaining silent as you went over to where we had thrown our clothes from the night before, dressing yourself before you began to walk out the door. As you began to leave, I tried to call out to you again, to apologize over what I had just said, but again, you spoke first.

"You and I may be friends, but remember this, Princess: you kissed me back just now."

Rose, I can't even begin to imagine what you must have felt back then. I said such horrible things, horrible things I wish I could take back. It wasn't horrible enough that it hurt you in such a way, but it was horrible in the way that I continued to lie to myself and the man that would become my husband…

* * *

"…and through the efforts of Kugobyuk and his loyal followers, the Harbinger of the End, Khebexaré Rakpom, was banished from this realm. As in the Tale of Kugobyuk, our bride and groom…"

For a bride, her wedding was supposed to be her day, the one day she could forget about her past and worries so that she may only look toward the future with her new husband. This was the dream of her bride, for every normal girl. But, was I really a normal girl to begin with?

As I stood there on that altar, my thoughts of our last fight continued to linger in my mind. I was still having regrets, I was still worried about our relationship. I should have been concerned about my future with Sergei, I should have been looking forward to it, but I…I couldn't just leave things the way they were.

As I stood there, my gaze turned to the stained glass in front of me. Upon turning to the brightly colored window, I saw you watching me, standing near the exit of the church. You stood there, leaning against a column, with a stoic look on your face, like an eagle searching for its prey. I saw our friends also watching, puzzled by your expression as you all observed the ceremony. I wanted to turn back and look at you directly, rush over to where you stood so that I may once again apologize for my actions, but again I hesitated, I couldn't act, not wanting to risk creating a spectacle before all of the nobles, politicians, and citizens of Hyland and Rolance.

"…Rose…"

"…Lady Alisha…," the priest caught my attention now. "Do you swear to be loyal to your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, 'til death do you part?"

"No, I do not!" is what I wanted to say, my concern for you still taking precedence.

If only I had the courage back then, if I only I could admit how I truly felt, I would have said those words. It was only in that moment that I knew I did not want to marry Sergei, that I could not bring myself to love him, despite how much I admired him as a knight and nothing more. And yet…

"…I…I do…," I regretfully replied.

"And do you, Sergei Strelka, swear to be loyal to your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, 'til death do you part?"

"I do," the man replied without hesitation.

"Then if anyone within this room objects to this union, please do so now or forever hold your peace," the priest announced.

It was then that entire church became silent. As much as I wanted to speak, I knew I could not having already made my vow. I turned back to your reflection, my eyes beginning to tear as I turned to your stern expression.

"Save me," I begged through my eyes alone. "Help me, Rose. Take me away from here, take me with you. Please, forgive me!"

Yet to my dismay, I felt my heart drop within the next moment. You simply uncrossed your arms at that point, the expression on your face as firm as ever. Without even saying a word, you began to walk away, not even taking a moment to look back as you continued into the city.

"Rose!" I wanted to call your name once again.

"Then by the power invested in me, I now name you husband and wife," the priest had now sealed my fate. "You may now kiss the bride."

"Ro-!"

I tried to turn in your direction, only to find myself stopped as my new husband brought his lips forward. His embrace was different than yours; though it wasn't rough or forced, it just…wasn't right. I found no fire behind his kiss, no passion, no warmth, just a simple touch. Regardless, I wanted to pull away, I wanted to chase after you, to throw away this dress and bouquet, but I…! …I…! …I couldn't find the strength and courage to do so…

"Is something wrong, milady?" Sergei questioned, having noticed the tears now rolling down my cheeks.

"…no, nothing's wrong…," I lied for his sake.

"Of course something was wrong," was what I truly wanted to say. "Everything is wrong…"

* * *

It would be ten years before we would see each other again. A lot of things happened in that vast amount of time. Sergei had risen up in rank in the newly formed Highland-Rolance Alliance's military, becoming a general. His new job often kept him away from home and his new family; I could only count the number of times he had been home every year with the fingers on one hand. Because of this, I was often left at our home in Rolance by myself, or rather, with our children.

We were blessed with one son and one daughter shortly after our marriage; our son, Boris Strelka II, was borne nearly a year after our marriage and our daughter, Olivia Strelka, was borne nearly two years later. Raising my children helped put some of my loneliness at ease, but in the end, it mattered little.

As part of my promise to Sorey, I had become a politician. Most of my battles were no longer in the field, they were often in conference rooms. From changing the banners of our countries to selecting names of newly built villages, the fight would never end. Yet this fight was no longer for the sake of our two nations, they were meaningless squabbles that would no longer affect the common class or the treaty we had signed years ago; they merely frivolous matters in nature.

Often I would long for the open fields once again, remembering my travels with you when I was first made your Squire. You had never broken our pact to my surprise, my eyes still able to perceive the Lords of the Land and several Normin whenever I ventured outside the city's walls. I longed for the sense of adventure once more, the smell of fresh air, the sight of a never-ending blue sky, and most of all, you standing by my side.

By my side, was it strange that I often thought of your doing those long ten years? I was already filled with guilt over what had happened on the night before and during my wedding day, guilt over the pain I had caused you. And yet there was something more than guilt that was swelling inside of me, that emotion I couldn't quite describe whenever I was with you, the urge to gaze into your pupils, the longing of your company, the craving of your lips, these were things I had been ashamed of, things I knew weren't right. …and yet with the growing of time that would pass, I could find myself unable to stop thinking about you, about how I wished to see you again.

I would remember the laughter we shared, the tears we shed, the meals we ate, the starry nights in which we slumbered, I remembered all of these things and the experiences I shared with you. Each of these things filled me with such joy, such happiness that I had experienced with no one else.

And then there was the throbbing in my chest, a cascade of fire that filled me every time I had thought of you. It made me feel like I could keel in a moment's notice, yet strong enough to carry the entire world on my shoulders. This feeling, this indescribable feeling, I didn't understand what it was or why I only felt it with you. I wanted to know what this feeling was, and why I had felt it. To find the answer, I knew what I had to do.

I… I wanted to see you, I had to see you. No matter what, I swore to myself that I would see you again someday, I would find out why I was feeling this way toward you and only you. It was a childish wish, a romantic wish that could only exist in fairy tales I believed, and yet, I knew I couldn't just sit still and dream.

* * *

"Are you certain of this, Princess?" my maid questioned once more.

"I am," I assured her, brushing my old uniform one last time. "Although it's a patrol into the Volgran Forest, I should be gone no more than two weeks at most. The ruins were cleared out months ago so it's doubtful any bandits or hellions remain."

"Even still…"

"The squadron's here," I announced, finding a small group of knights now standing outside our property. "Well then, I'll be off now. You two be good while your mother is away."

"Yes Mother."

"Farewell."

Again my children spoke with no sense of emotion in their voice. Any emotional bond we once shared slipping slowly away from my fingers with time. I could pay it no mind at the time however; I could only accept that this was the way things were and that they were going to be. Accept it, that's all I could ever do, accept things and never challenge the way they were. That's the way it had to be, that's the way 'she' said it had to be…

* * *

My patrol with the knights was rather uneventful at first. The first few days in the Volgran Forest were nothing more than a nature walk in my eyes. In spite of this, it was a welcome change of pace from debating back and forth with nobles regarding the current state of our continent. Still, I had rather missed the smell of nature and the lack of any borders. On the other hand however, being out in the wilderness reminded me of something else.

"Wakey wakey!" I remembered how you once tried to awaken me during our journey twelve years ago. "Oh, you're already up; well this is no fun."

"Maybe it isn't fun for you, but the last time I was caught off guard you forced me into these clothes!" I reminded you back then.

"And what's wrong with the clothes I picked out for you?" you questioned. "Don't you ever get tired of wearing the same military dress everyday? I mean really, I can't imagine the smells that it gathered over the last, I dunno, however long you've been wearing that thing."

"For your information I have seven different uniforms that are made in an identical fashion," I retorted. "I change out and clean my uniform at the end of every day; the only exception would be my armor, which I can tell you I also painstakingly clean every evening before I go to bed. For that matter, how could you not pack extra clothes for our journey; I haven't changed in almost two days now."

"Sheesh, aren't we a germ-a-phob?" you shrugged. "Just jump in a river with your clothes on and there you go. Oh wait, is that beneath you too, Sweet Princess? Or maybe you'd rather have someone strip you of your clothing before jumping in?" you snickered.

"D…Don't say such illicit things!" I found my face burning upon hearing your remarks.

This and many other memories of our time together became fresh again as I continued this venture. Honestly, these memories never began to wilt in all honesty. In the few moments of silence I would be spared, I would remember things like this. From your uncouth words, to your mischievous pranks, and your cruel but hilarious jokes, almost every waking moment I remembered something about you. Even mundane things like drinking a cup of tea reminded me of things like me lecturing you on the proper way to drink it or even the act of trying to sleep would remind me of how you would practically sprawl yourself on the ground that you would even place your arm and leg over me as you slept. Such sweet memories they were, sweet memories that I would start fresh once more after the spark of tragedy!

"We're under attack!" I remember one of the knights' screams interrupting my thoughts. "Everyone, prepare for-!"

The familiar sound of blood choking a man's last words quickly followed. Wasting no time, I immediately took hold of my lance and exited my tent, finding out entire camp in chaos. A pack of wolves had made their way into our camp that night, foul beasts that would normally leave humans alone. Yet on this particular night, something was different.

The moon itself was not white, it was red like blood. Even the wolves themselves were different, standing upright like the hellions found outside of Lohgrin. Yet these creatures were stronger, faster, more fierce, tearing through my knights' steel as if they were little more than paper. I could only steel myself so much as my eyes observed the horrors around me, the hold on my lance tightening as my body suddenly moved on its own accord.

"I am your opponent, hellion!" I cried like in days of old.

I would not stand for such injustice, my legs suddenly springing into action, my lance leading my charge. My initial lunge had found its way into the heart of one of the beasts, creating a geyser of dark liquid to burst from its wound the moment I withdrew the steel. Even though I had dealt a killing blow, one of the beast's claws managed to scratch me, tearing deep into my shoulder as its remaining life's blood left their body. I remember garnering all of their attention thereafter, the few surviving knights now hurrying to my side as I readied my spear once again.

"Everyone, stand together!" I ordered, trying to keep calm as I spoke. "We can push them back!"

Yet in truth, I knew we could do little to do so. These were hellions that we were dealing with, foul beasts corrupted by malevolence that only the Shepherd and Squire could truly vanquish. Yet a lowly Squire like me could only do so much, the number of our foes seemingly increasing by the second.

I remember my body moving on instinct, my arms and legs moving with little thought or concern, cutting, slashing and striking every foul creature that crossed my path. The cold night air had quickly transformed into a furnace within seconds, my brow already drenched in my own perspiration within a moment's time. The cries of the dying soon filled the night air, whether they were human or beast. The chaos of battle quickly overtook me, blurring the image of the monsters I slew. Was it simply the heat of the fight that caused this, or was it something else.

Though the wound I had been inflicted was not deep, the adrenaline and constant moving was draining my life's blood from the crevice faster than I had anticipated. It would only be a small lapse in time when I found my lance growing heavy, my limbs becoming stiff and the air in my lungs burning. In spite of how I felt, I continued to fight, continued to fend for the men and women who were under my command. However, I still heard their screams, I still saw the blood that burst through their wounds, I still tasted the iron that filled the air. In spite of my gradually worsening condition, I wanted to protect them, I wanted to make sure we all survived, but-

A barrage of arrows suddenly appeared from seemingly nowhere, each of the projectiles managing to land on the beasts that stuck us. From out of the forest's greenery, several individuals appeared, each of them wearing a familiar black and white overcoat I had come to know well nearly a decade ago. In the blink of an eye, I saw several of these individuals cleave through the monsters, as well as the elements themselves uniting to together to fell our assailants. I could do nothing but watch as my consciousness faded further, the grip on my lance becoming dull, the sounds surrounding me becoming deaf, and the world around me fading into darkness. Yet as I began to fall, I felt something catch me, as well as familiar voice calling my name as I succumbed to my wounds.

"Alisha? Alisha!"

* * *

Have I ever told you about my mother? She was a commoner by birthright, my father having married her simply on a whim. Regardless of where she came from, she was adamant of her current state in the society and wanted to ensure that our family remained there.

"I won't!" I remember arguing with my mother as a child. "There's no way I can ever do that!"

"Alisha, you should reconsider…," she said in her usual strict tone.

"It's just not right, Mother! Why should I marry a man of equal or greater standing! I don't even like boys! I'd rather marry another gir-!"

It was the first time I clearly recall my mother striking me, it was the first I remember her truly being angry at me. The way she placed both of her hands on her shoulders, the way she glared at straight into my eyes, it was a feeling I would never forget.

"Don't ever let anyone hear you say that, Alisha! Do you realize the ramifications if anyone ever heard you say that?! They'll throw you out on the streets and ostracize you and the one you lay with. You'll be seen as beneath the common folk, little more than a waste of flesh. Is that what you want, Alisha?!"

"I don't understand, Mother. Why-?"

"Because it is your duty to continue the Diphda bloodline, Alisha! Even if you're farthest from the throne, it is your duty as princess that my endeavors to raise us beyond that of which we were born. Never let anyone ever hear you speak of such…blasphemy! I didn't birth you simply so you could gallivant into another woman's arms so you can throw away everything I built only to end up at the bottom rung of society!"

"But what about those fairy tales you always used to tell me? What about falling in love and-?"

"That's all they are, Alisha, fairy tales! Do you really think those that follow their heart go anywhere in life? Many years ago, long before you were borne, I thought I was in love once, in love with a traveling minstrel. She made little coin, she was always on the move, yet she always made every effort to woo me with song and story. For some time I thought I could simply live like she did, but then the truth of reality soon struck…

"Disease, education, even the struggle for food, the common class was always struggling when it came to these things; only those of higher birth could live a life of benefit. I knew that I could not continue to exist living in common society, and so when your father asked me to marry him on a whim, I took it and never looked back."

"But what about that other woman? If she was the one who made you happy, then-"

"Happiness and love are a fairy tale in itself, Alisha! Had I followed that harlot of a minstrel, you would never have been born and I would have continued to suffer for coin and bread. Love is nothing more than a fairy tale, and love between two of the same gender could never even hope to fit anywhere in our society. A man and woman must procreate in order for any kind of society to continue to survive, regardless of class. However, if a man or woman were to lie with the same sex, procreation is impossible, it does nothing to further the survival of our society; it's meaningless!"

"But Mother-!"

"There is no other way, Alisha! For today, I will look the other way on the words you have spoken, but remember this every time you say or think these…things! Remember the choice I had to make, Alisha, the choice I made so that you and your future children could live a more prosperous life Remember that the love between two girls is nothing more than a dream, a fairy tale, and that reality is much more harsh and unforgiving!"

This memory would forever be burned in my memory; my mother's selfless decision to marry my father simply so that future generations of our family would not have to live the ordeals of the common class. I wanted to honor her choice, I wanted to see her wish through, but…

…was being of the common class or even below it so bad? From my time as a knight, I had observed these people, seen how they lived. The world of politics was but foreign to them, practically non-existent. Though they were more concerned about their everyday lives, they seemed…happier. Gossip was little more than mostly what was on sale at the market, dowries and engagements were merely of choice, and even those that lay with the same gender cared little for where they were. If anything they seemed carefree, they seemed happy being together with the one they loved, even if they lived in their own little world to speak.

What was wrong with being with the one you loved I would continue to question as time passed? It was a question I could never find an answer for the longest time, but it was an answer so simple that it was in front of me the whole time…

* * *

The sight of uneven stone was the first thing that greeted me when I opened my eyes. The dream of my mother's words was becoming hazier as my senses became more clear. I found myself lying in a strange bed in a room I had never been in before. This place, it seemed like a ruin of sorts that had been converted into a large shelter. Turning to my side, I found several other beds within the same vicinity, as well as the sounds of other people just outside the room.

"Where am I?" I wondered aloud.

"You're awake," my heart skipped a beat upon seeing the individual who was sitting beside my bed.

The words had come from a rather large cat, the creature looking no different than any other feline. Yet I soon realized that this being was none other than the Lord of the Land of this vicinity, one I had never encountered in my travels prior.

"Are you the one who brought me here?" I questioned the seraph.

"No, it was the Shepherd and her Squires," the Lord of the Land replied. "You and your knights were fortunate to be where you were when you were attacked; it was only by luck that the Shepherd came across you all within this hour of the night."

"You're finally up, huh?"

Again my heart jumped upon hearing your voice, my eyes quickly turning to the direction of the door, finding you standing there. In the ten years since we had last spoken, you remained the almost the same in appearance, with the exception of the jacket you wore now, your new coat more closely resembled the traditional cloak of the Shepherd. Yet something else was different about you, something that didn't make you seem like you.

You seemed very serious as you stood there, not a hint of mischief or glee. There was no smile on your face whatsoever, simply a stern look that lacked any form of emotion whatsoever. It was impossible for me to tell at the time whether you were still angry at me or if you had simply locked everything away. The life that was normally in your eyes had faded, their sky blue tone now having become the hue of ice.

Even as you stood there with that stern expression, excitement quickly overtook me, my eyes already begin to water and the beatings of my heart pounding against my sternum. A million words were running through my head as our eyes met, more than a dozen expressions I wanted to say but I could not simply pick one. Not sure how you would react, I spoke the first words that came to mind, hoping they would reach you.

"Rose, I-"

Yet you would not listen to me at the time, simply turning away and returning to the main corridor. I felt my heart break again as I saw your back, your form only shrinking in my eye as the distance between us became greater. It was just like on my wedding day, how you simply turned and left and I could not find the courage to chase you. This time however, there was nothing to hold me back, and so, I quickly got out of the bed and tried to hurry after you, only to be stopped by another group of familiar faces before I could exit the door.

"Alisha, thank goodness you're all right!" were the first words that escaped Lailah's lips as she stood before the doorway.

"Er, yes, I'm fine thanks to all of you," I said while trying to find my way through, only for more of our friends to impede my route.

"Are you sure you should be up already?" Mikleo was the next to ask. "You lost quite a bit of blood when we found you."

"No, I'm fine, I just-"

Well aren't we noble?" Edna was the next to speak in her usual sarcastic tone. "What's next, you going to offer her a cup of tea and a back rub?"

"Seriously, Edna?" the water seraph groaned.

"If it's a back rub you want, then count me in!" Zaveid was the next to interrupt.

"No one asked you, Pervert Zaveid - Perveid," the earth seraph remarked.

"Seriously, I think Alisha would do better if she got a back rub from someone else than you, Zaveid," the water seraph agreed.

"That goes for you to, Pervert Meebo - Perbo."

"Seriously, why are you always picking on me?!"

"Now, now Perveid, Perbo," the fire seraph tried mediating as always. "I think Alisha would be comfortable if…"

Despite having become invisible to the seraphim, I took advantage of this situation and quickly worked my way passed each of them. It wasn't long before I found you again, sitting in the middle of the main corridor with several other young individuals dressed in a similar cloak as Sorey's. Each of you were sitting around a fireplace with a cauldron in the center, several of my knights also circling around it as one of the girls in your entourage started handing out a bowl of what looked like stew to everyone around the fire.

Despite how close everyone sat together, I found you sitting at the edge of the fire, away from everyone else, but still close enough to keep everyone in check. Seeing you sitting there, I took it upon myself to take the space beside you, waiting to see your reaction in regard to my presence. Yet you neither stood up nor yelled, so I could only surmise that at the very least you were acting neutral toward me.

A strange silence lingered between the two of us as we sat there, even as we were handed our portion of stew. You simply began eating the moment you were given your ration, your eyes never turning toward me and your concentration solely placed on your meal. A part of me was hoping, wishing, that at any moment you would drop 'the serious act' as you would put it, that you would suddenly spill your meal over my clothing, make a crude joke about how I'd have to bathe in a ravine, and then make an illicit comment about how you would give me a sponge bath. Yet this moment would not come to my dismay as you continued to look away, as if you had no interest in speaking with me whatsoever. Unable to simply deal with this silent conversation, I opened my mouth and spoke.

"…it's been a long time, Rose," I said.

"…and…?" you simply replied.

"…you've been busy I see," I tried to use small talk. "I think it's safe to assume you've been training the next generation of Shepherds since we last spoke ten years ago."

"So what?" you again replied with that same cold tone.

I felt another tinge pulling at my heart upon hearing your last reply. Your distant demeanor, your cold voice, this wasn't the Rose I had come to know. It hurt me to hear you like this, to see how apparent the distance between us had become. It saddened me, it angered me greatly, and so…

"Rose, why-?!" I tried to yell, only to watch you begin to stand up and leave.

Yet I would not have any of it, my legs instinctively chasing you to your room, despite how you had shut the door right in my face. I quickly pulled it open the moment you shut it however, finding you standing in the corner of the vicinity with your back turned. I could not wait or even hope for you to speak to me at this point, so I continued my words with my temper fueling my speech.

"Are you still upset with me, Rose, is that why you've been avoiding me?!" I quickly questioned.

To upset me further, you simply stood there with your hand at your hip, your back still facing toward me. I found my blood boiling further as you continued to ignore, aggression once again guiding me as I approached you.

"Rose, I'm sorry about what happened ten years ago, I truly am!" I practically begged. "I never meant for any of this to happen."

"…oh, you're sorry?" you said, your sarcasm hurting me further. "Sorry about what exactly? Sorry that you let me take your so-called 'purity'? Sorry that you slept with another woman in a drunken stupor? Just tell me what exactly you're sorry for?!"

Your words hit me like a stone wall,shaking my very soul. It was easy to simply say I was sorry, but the reason for why was not as easy to come by. It wasn't that I didn't know what I was sorry for, but how many things I was sorry for. There were too many things to name in that moment, a never-ending list that I could still go down to this very day, but if I was sorry for anything, it was this.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Rose!" I cried, baring my heart to you with every syllable. "I-"

"Hurt me?" you finally turned around, your eyes leering at me like daggers. "Like someone like you could ever hurt me!"

Your words were harsh, your tone cruel, yet your eyes, those sky blue eyes, I saw them swelling, a maelstrom of tears swirling within. You were doing it again, just like that night in Lastonbell, trying to hide your true self from me, trying to hide me from your pain. You were isolating yourself again, trying to keep me away so that you can endure the pain yourself. However, I couldn't just let you be, I couldn't let you take the burden yourself. I…I wanted to share your pain, I wanted to share your tears, I wanted to share everything you were and will be, both the good and bad. Knowing this, I took another breath and said my next words.

"…maybe I can't hurt you…," I stood my ground, walking toward you as I spoke. "Maybe it's just as you said, that I'm not sure what I'm apologizing for. I can say with certainty this, Rose: I was hurt ten years ago, and I'm sorry about the cruel things I had said the morning after. It hurt me when I said such hurtful things, when I struck you, when I agreed to my vows. It felt like I was losing a part of myself when I did each of those things, when I pushed you away. And yet, with everything else that happened I… I'm not sorry for any of it; not the wine we drank that evening, not the kisses we exchanged, and not the bed we shared."

"Stop it!" you shook your head. "Stop trying to make yourself feel better about what happened!"

"Rose, I'm not trying to-!"

"Stop it!"

It was your turn to strike me first this time, your palm slapping against my cheek as rivers ran down your face. Unlike that night years ago, I simply accepted the pain, standing still even as you struck me again and again.

"You're horrible!" you cried, your hands fell upon my shoulders now. "Now you want to say these things to me?"

"…I know, I am horrible…," I admitted as I placed my fingers on your chin. "For the longest time, I couldn't be true to myself, I couldn't find the courage to follow my heart, but Rose, now I-"

"…I hate you…," you said in barely a whisper at first. "I hate you!"

Your hands balled into fists now, practically tearing the cloth of my uniform before they hammered against my body again. Again and again you struck, despite your strength diminishing with every blow. Your voice was screaming now, nearly choked by your own tears as you continued to speak such hurtful words.

"I hate you, Alisha!" you screamed. "I hate you! I hate you!"

"Rose…"

"I HATE YOU!"

I could take it no longer, my hands immediately taking hold of your wrists my body immediately shoving us forward until we fell. Your bed had broken our fall, but it did little to contain your resentment, your anger. You continued crying and screaming, telling me that you hated me over and over again. Yet all I could do was simply hold you there and accept your pain. I could only watch you struggle and agonize, your very tears causing my own eyes to swell. I would accept your hatred however, it was all I could do in that moment. Yet for some reason, you had stopped struggling suddenly, my hands naturally releasing your wrists from my grasp as your aggression had disappeared.

"Alisha…?"

A gentle touch fell over my face in that moment, your thumb wiping away the small river that was now falling from one of my eyes. The animosity you had melted away now, though your sadness was still there. Again I saw the rivers run down your sky blue eyes, their very sight causing my own to resume.

"I'm sorry," I apologized one last time. "I'm really sorry for everything, Rose."

"Alisha… You're such a crybaby, you know that?" the sound of one of your jests lifted my heart.

"Takes one to know one, doesn't it?" I giggled.

Again it felt like old times, the both of us laughing together over the drama that had just played. Yet after sharing our smiles once more, I found myself staring into the endless hue of your pupils once again. So exquisite, I thought, it was such a spectacle I could not find anywhere else. I was losing myself simply staring into the infinite blue, my throat becoming parched and the fibers of my being beginning to burn. My vision began trace over more than just your eyes now, tracing over the outline of your face, the curves of your breasts and hips, the slender frame of your legs; a familiar sensation I often denied myself was overtaking me in that very moment, and yet…

"…well this is getting awkward…," you remarked. "You mind getting off me? Next thing you know, we're gonna have a reenactment of that night ten years a-!"

I don't know what came over me in that moment, but it was me who interrupted you this time; the taste of your lips, I just had to indulge in them. No, I knew what came over me, this feeling of longing, this sensation of needing to be by your side, to taste your lips, and experience the warmth of your flesh, it was a feeling I had for so long kept hidden. It was just as I remembered from that night ten years ago, the skin of your mouth being soft and smooth, with the smell of roses permeating from within. The air around me was growing lighter as our lips continued to press upon one another, any inclinations I once had disappeared in that moment. I felt my body sinking closer to yours now, your arms wrapping around my neck and pulling toward you until our bodies were practically melting one another.

An eternity seemed to pass until our mouths finally parted, my vision once again focusing on your face as we separated. Again your hand brushed against my face, sweeping away a few strands of my ponytail as you did so. My own hand took a hold of your own now, my own eyes shutting so that I may fully indulge in your touch.

As we lay there, I felt the soft, yet fierce throbs of your heart beating against my own, how our origins of life moved in sync with one another. The gaze of your sky blue eyes felt like they were lifting me straight into the atmosphere, filling me with a gentle glow. As we lay together, I finally began to realize what the swelling emotion that grew inside me over the last ten years was. Love, this whole time, I had been in love, I had always been in love with you…

The words I wished to speak and the budding emotions within had made their way to the tip of my tongue. Yet they would not escape as easily as I had predicted, how my mother's words continued to haunt me despite how I was close to speaking them. In spite of this however, I found my mouth move on its own accord, and my voice speaking from my heart as I said my next words, words that set my heart aflutter every time I would speak them unto you from that moment on.

"Rose… I… I love you, Rose. I've always loved you."

I saw your pupils widen after hearing my words, the pulse beating from your chest hastening thereafter. You continued to stare at me as I lay above you, as if you were letting the words continue to sing in your ears over and over again. I wanted to believe that maybe you were simply enjoying this moment, that you were in shock over what I had just said, but another part of me believed that maybe you did not feel the same way, that my time to express my true feelings had been long past. Slowly but surely this feeling was overtaking me, ripping away the emotions that had been swirling inside of me for so long like flower petals. Yet when I thought all hope was lost, you spoke to me once more.

"…I love you too, Alisha…"

This moment, this was our moment, a moment I would always want to remember. I didn't want to ruin this time we had, I didn't want to forget a single second of it. This was my last chance to back away I thought, to end this before there could be a possibility of anymore serious repercussions. Yet my conscience had fallen silent as it did on that night ten years ago, the yearnings of my heart in full control of my will as I whispered to you my next words.

"…make love to me…"

"…you wanna make love?"

For a moment I thought you weren't comprehending my words, that maybe my phrase was one of my speech patterns that was too eloquent for you. Thinking you were serious, I rephrased my request.

"Yes, I want to have sex!" I quickly blurted out in an uncouth manner. "I want to do it. I want to have intercourse. Let's fu-!"

Your own lips interrupted me now, silencing me from speaking anymore obscenities. Your touch was enough to calm me once more, the taste of the ambrosia within already pushing me toward the path of ecstasy. Again you teased me, caressing my hair and cheek as you continued your embrace. I felt the fires burning within a part of me I never dared touch, a sensation I was always told was forbidden, and yet, my heart and hips begged for me to proceed, to indulge.

Finally you broke our kiss, your sky blue eyes revealing to me the shade of red that was now painted over my cheeks, the same red always painted across your own. Your finger placed itself before my mouth again, as if it were smearing the remaining residue over my skin. Again you looked me straight in the eye and whispered me unto me your next words.

"Then let's make love, my Sweet Princess…"

* * *

A slight breeze was the first thing I felt the morning after, the light air tickling against my collar as it breathed unto me in a routine pace. My vision slowly returned to me as I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the color red, the red tresses that washed over a part of my body as the rest of your clung onto the rest. The events of the night before were still fresh in my mind, but unlike the time before, I had embraced our time together. Watching you sleep so peacefully, I found my lips moving on their own accord now, pressing against your forehead for a mere second.

That simple touch was enough to cause you to stir however, slowly returning you from the land of slumber. Within moments you began to look up, your blue eyes focusing on my own as a familiar smile began to curl.

"Morning, lover!" you greeted me.

"Good morning to you too, lover," I returned the greeting.

Again our lips met for a brief moment, this time I found myself unashamed as they met, even afterward when you began to sink back into my chest, our hands taking hold of another as we embraced. I wanted to enjoy this moment, I thought to myself, I wanted to enjoy the time we lost. I wanted this moment to last forever, but at the same time, I knew that I wanted to move forward, with you.

"Excuse me, Shepherd Rose," a knock on your door interrupted us. "Breakfast is ready, ma'am. We've already sent our scouts toward Pendrago. Once they've returned, we should begin escorting the survivors toward Rolance."

"All right, thanks," you told your subordinate from the other side of the door. "Well, back to reality…"

"…yes, back to reality…"

Reality, if the night before was simply a dream, then I dared not wake up. To return to Pendrago felt like a return to a nightmare itself; again I would have to watch how I spoke, how I acted, how I lived. An empty home where I was married to a husband to whom I did not love, to children who less and less saw me as their parent, a home in which I could not even by myself, and the never-ending banter between the noble class over frivolous things that mattered little to the rest of society, that was my reality. Again and again, hour by hour, day after day, it was never-ending cycle of monotony and dread; I know it was selfish of me to think this, to even still believe it to this day, but I… I needed… I needed to also consider my own self.

For the first in what had felt like an eternity, here with you, I felt happy. Gone were the shackles laid upon me for being a princess, no more would I be wrapping my head around never-ending quarrels between other politicians, and the feeling of simply of existing was nowhere to be found. With you, I could be myself, I could find meaning in each of words and actions, and I could feel like I was truly alive. Yet again, I lamented on my situation, on how my family still needed me. I wanted to be with you, I needed to be with you, but at the same time, my family needed me to remain where I was. I was the wife of a decorated general, the mother to two heirs of a great legacy; for someone of my stature to suddenly leave such a post would only destroy their own standings in society, it would ruin their very lives. For their sakes and to spare them of humiliation, I knew what I had to do.

"…Rose," I tried to speak with you once more. "I-"

Yet my worries disappeared again in that next moment, as if your kiss took in my next words and locked them away. I found myself staring at your endless blue eyes again, finding the tears that were swelling in my own pupils already beginning to subside. You placed your hand on my cheek again, your thumb wiping away any residue that managed to fall. Seeing your smile made the curve of my own mouth curl only for it to disappear with our next exchange of words.

"You really have earned the name I've given you, huh?" you suddenly brought up.

"Isylvia Amekia," I remembered the true name you had blessed me with. "I never did ask, but what does it mean?"

"You really wanna know?" I began to dread as soon as I heard your mischievous snicker. "It means 'Teary-eyed Alisha'."

"'Teary-eyed Alisha…?' Seriously, Rose, you had to name me that!" I fumed.

"Uh oh, here come the water works again!" you continued to tease.

"That's not funny, Rose!"

"Still, it really makes your eyes glisten," your hand began to glide down my face once again. "It's beautiful in fact."

"…Rose…"

"Alisha, Rose, your meals are getting-," the door unexpectedly opened, the cheeks on the fire seraph's face suddenly burning a bright red as soon as her eyes laid upon our bare forms. "Oh my! Sorry to disturb you!" she suddenly shut the door again.

An awkward silence filled the room now, both of our faces burning as bright as the fiercest of Lailah's flames.

"…I believe we should get dressed now…," I said after several moments of hesitation.

"…yeah, good idea…"

* * *

The next few days were also as equally blissful. In the daytime, we would often converse, side-by-side, talking about the events that had transpired in our lives until now. You told me of the adventures you and the new generation of Shepherds you were training had shared, the struggles you had to go through upon first recruiting them, and also the joys you had training these individuals. Yet you also told me of the never-ending feud of Mikleo and Edna, the countless puns Lailah had made over the last few years, and Zaveid's libido which just never seemed to go away.

I also told you about my life, about my family. I feared you would get silent or upset upon telling you about my children that Sergei fathered, yet you seemed interested and even happy to hear about them and the stories I had to share.

And then the nights we shared, those nights of passion and unconditional love, I could never forget them and the events that transpired. Every night I yearned for more, indulging in every kiss, every inch our skin met, every purr that escaped your lips, it was pure heaven for me. And yet at the end of every night, I was also filled with dread, that with every day that passed, it would be just another day closer before my reality would become my life once again.

As much as I dreaded this day, as much as I wished it would never come true, the day finally came when we returned to Pendrago.

* * *

I didn't expect anything when I returned home, but what I received was somewhat of a surprise. The moment we entered my manor, there was my family waiting for me in the main hall.

"Alisha!" I remember my husband practically jumping into my arms the moment I walked through the door. "Thank the Seraphim you're all right!"

"You're welcome I guess," Edna sarcastically replied, though her words would only fall on his deaf ears.

"Sergei, what are you doing here?" I couldn't help but question.

"As soon as I heard your company was attacked, I came straight home to order a rescue mission. Much to my relief, I received word from my men stationed in Lastonbell that you and your surviving knights were being accompanied by a band of Shepherds. Alisha, I… I'm glad you're all right!"

It was awkward as he held me, it was very different from when you and I would touch one another. I know it's cruel of me to say this, but the truth was, all I felt was an empty mass standing before me, a hollow shell that simply weighed upon me. Out of obligation, I felt I had to return the gesture, even if it was several seconds after he first placed his arms around me.

"…I guess my job's done…," you sighed, attempting to act rather nonchalant.

"Shepherd Sorey's widow, you're the one who saved Alisha?" my husband questioned you now.

"Wait, 'widow'?" the word had caught me completely off guard.

"…yeah, it's a long story," you appeared to answer my husband and myself at the same time. "Anyway, who might you two be?" you questioned, kneeling down to my children's eye level.

"Boris Strelka II, my lady," my son properly introduced himself with a bow.

"Olivia Strelka, ma'am," my daughter followed suit. "And you are?"

"Olivia, please be more respectful toward this woman," my husband ordered my children with a firm voice. "This is Shepherd Sorey's widow and one of the current Shepherds, Rose."

"Father, I was referring to them," Olivia said, pointing in the direction of our other comrades, surprising the two of us.

"Wait, she can see us?" Mikleo exclaimed.

"Whoopty do, so can a bunch of other kids but you don't see me freaking out every time we meet one," the earth seraph sighed.

"Hm, who are you talking about Olivia?" Sergei questioned. "Perhaps you've been reading too many of your history books again."

"Father, do you seriously not see these other people?" my son joined in now. "One of them is half naked!"

"Normally I don't mind being the guy being singled out, but when another guy points me out…," Zaveid's voice began to uneasily trail away.

"Okay, that's enough you two," Sergei smiled. "Trying to trick your father here in thinking he's going crazy…"

"But-!"

"Guess this is the part for me to skedaddle," you said, acting rather nonchalant. "Anyways, it's been real, Alisha. See ya!"

Just like that, without even taking a glance back, you went for the door. As you walked however, I felt my heart beginning to tear apart, how every step would only rip another part of my soul in half. After all this time, after all these years, I was finally able to see you again and speak the words I had kept locked away in my heart. At this point, I knew I simply couldn't have you leave my life, I couldn't have you walk away once more and not do anything to stop you. Unable to live with such anguish, I stepped forward, speaking to you as I should have ten years ago on the day of my wedding.

"Wait, Rose!" my voice had halted you. "Why don't you spend the day with us? You wouldn't be imposing or anything and I'm sure your Squires wouldn't mind staying in town for today."

"That's right, I would like you to be our guest for the day, Shepherd Rose," Sergei added. "It would be an honor to have Shepherd Sorey's widow spend the day here in our humble abode. I can also arrange for lodging at the inn for the rest of your entourage, so please, make yourself at home here."

For a moment you turned back to me, a tired look on your face. Though it wasn't apparent to Sergei, I saw something else in you, a certain fire in your eyes. Though it was far from malicious, it was still of ill content; to me, I believed it to be that of anger, of jealousy, yet you were doing your best to hide it again. From that look in your eyes, I thought you were ready to 'tell off Sergei' as you would put it. Yet you constrained yourself despite the struggle I witnessed swirling inside of you, a soft, yet fake smile falling on your lips as you replied.

"I guess I could take you up on your offer," you replied in a chipper voice. "Come on, Alisha, it'll be like one of our old 'slumbering parties' back in the day!"

"Ooh, does that include a game of Truth or Dare?" the wind seraph's libido got a hold of him once more.

"Knock it off, Zaveid!"

* * *

In a way, it was like one of our old slumbering parties. We shared meals, we told jokes, we even did each other's hair, and yet, it was also different.

You insisted on spending time with my family as well, insisting my children to drop their studies for the day. We took them out to the city, taking them to the local park to play. At first they were hesitant to even play a game of tag and hide and seek, yet you persisted in having them enjoy themselves that even the Seraphim began to join in the festivities. We also had lunch at the local café like old times, where you continued to joke with my children, making a mess of your own meal when you claimed you could draw a cat on your omelet with ketchup. I could genuinely tell that you and my children were enjoying yourselves, as if you had been a part of our family all along. And yet…

Every now and then, I saw that fire still, that small glare that appeared whenever Sergei would reach for my hand or even embrace me with a hug. I thought it was jealousy and that it was making you uncomfortable, yet I could do nothing. I couldn't bring myself to humiliate my husband by turning him away, I couldn't simply say no to any of his advances, I couldn't…be myself or express what was in my heart so long as others were looking. Even though I was no longer ashamed of our relationship, I still felt just like how I did on my wedding day, when I couldn't simply just follow my heart, when I couldn't bear to hurt others for my own sake.

How you put up with it that day and the many years after, I could never understand. Perhaps that is why I stand where I am now…

* * *

Your visits became an annual event thereafter; on the same day of every year for the next five years, you would come to Pendrago so that we may see each other for a few days; no Squires, no children, no seraphim, just you and I. It was during those few days you take me away from the suffocating environment in which I was imprisoned, away from the loveless marriage I continued to keep myself in.

I always looked forward to this day in every year, as did my family, who still were unaware of our true relation. My children had quickly becoming attached to you since that day, always looking forward to whenever you came back with new stories to tell or games to play.

"You're going to see Aunt Rose, Mother?" I remember daughter asking last year.

"She should be here any minute now," I assured my daughter. "Don't worry, she'll be picking me up this time."

"Mother, why won't you allow me to become a Squire?" my son protested as he had done for the last five years. "I can see Lailah and the others, and I've already begun my training in the military academy, so why-?"

"That's Rose's decision," I said. "However, until she accepts you as her Squire, you and Olivia need to focus on your studies. Continue our legacy and live on as proud knights of Glenwood."

Legacy, I quickly caught myself as soon as I said that word. Immediately I remembered my mother's words too long ago. Though she had long been gone from this world, her wish was still very fresh in my ears. Her legacy, I thought I had played my part in her legacy, having birthed my two children so her sacrifice would not have been in vain. And yet, I started to wonder, if I had already played my part in her legacy, then why was I still here, why was I still playing the role of mother in a loveless marriage and a politician in a never-ending battle of village names and banner colors? Every year I would ask myself the same question, but for the longest time I could never find the answer.

"Getting cold feet?" a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts. "Or are you just being stub-burn?"

"Seriously Lailah, that was the lamest pun you've ever come up with…," the earth Seraph's voice groaned.

"Ouch, burn!" the fire Seraph couldn't help but quip on being insulted.

"You ready to head out, Isylvia Amekia?" you questioned, using my true name as you always did.

"Aunt Rose!" my son and daughter quickly ran over to you.

"Hey guys, it's been a while!" you greeted them with your usual enthusiasm.

"Aunt Rose, will you make me your Squire this year?" Boris questioned. "I've been training nearly every day now since we last met and I believe that I'm ready to join your ranks."

"Never mind being a Squire, tell me what you and Mikleo have discovered in the ruins this past year!" Olivia said, her eyes lighting up with excitement. "Surely you've discovered more murals and texts that speak of Kugobyuk and the Harbinger of The End?"

"Now you two, don't bombard Rose with too many questions," I pulled each of them back. "We have to get going before it gets too late."

"But Mother-!"

"Maybe we should indulge them a little bit," Mikleo suggested.

"Maybe you're standing on the wrong side, Kid Meebo - Keebo," Edna teased the water seraph as always.

"Seriously, why are you always picking on me?!"

"…such a child you are…"

"Child? Looks who's talking; you still look like a kid yourself!"

"Now children, settle down now," Lailah tried mediating as always.

"As much as I'd like to stay and chat, I think your mom and I need to get going now," you brushed away my children's questions, ignoring the Seraphim's budding argument. "You ready, Alisha?"

"I am."

As cheerful as you appeared, that cheer would always disappear before me every time you would see him. During every year, he was always the last one to speak, always the last one greet me farewell before each of my journeys. I saw the sparks of anger ignite every time he would place his arms around me, that fire swelling ever so slightly and reaching their peak when he would place his lips upon mine for a brief second, a kiss I would never once return. I could feel that animosity grow as he told me soon after that he loved me, how it killed you a little inside when I spoke the same empty words back. Yet whenever I turned back toward you, I saw you hide that fire to the best of your ability, doing your best to remain chipper.

"Well then, let's get going!" you would always enthusiastically say at the beginning of every trip before we left.

* * *

Rose, I really have enjoyed our time together, I really did. I'm sure you knew this, I'm sure you knew how I truly felt, and yet…

I was being selfish for these past five years, haven't I? To think that I still had a role to fulfill in my mother's legacy, to remain in that loveless marriage despite the true yearnings of my heart, was I fool in thinking that this is the way things had to be? I only thought of myself and how others would look at me and my family, but not once did I ever consider your feelings or even that of others.

I should have thought about how it hurt you the most; here you were, living your every day carefree, living free without the shackles of societal norms. You were true to yourself, you saw no need to hide who you truly were, and yet, here I was, denying you a piece of that freedom.

Maybe I did notice, subtly, but never truly paying attention to it at first. Yet as time went on, it became less subtle in the way you acted. From the shortened kisses, the dying passion when we made love, and even the meaning behind the words 'I love you', slowly, gradually and surely, I noticed the woes of your heart, unable to act until that fateful day one year ago…

* * *

"I can't believe we're already returning to Pendrago," I sighed, dropping my baggage on the floor as the city came into view. "To think we'll have to wait another year before-"

"Another year," you scoffed as you put down your own bags. "And just how many more years are we going to do this, Alisha?"

"Rose?"

I would be lying if I said I was in shock when you made these remarks. Though it did not surprise me, it was the blunt manner in which you expressed your frustration. You were making no effort to shield your dismay, your eyes looking at me with a firm expression, that familiar flame which I believed to be envy once again brewing in your blue eyes. Even though I saw it coming, I couldn't prepare for what you said next.

"A few days every year, is that all you're willing to put into this relationship?" you continued.

"Of course not!" I protested. "I pour every ounce of my heart and soul into this relationship! Every waking moment we're together, every second I'm with you, I-!"

"Yeah, just with me, only when you're with me! At the end of our hook-ups, it always ends the same; you go back to your husband and kids to live a happily ever life with your family and I just happen to go on my merry little way until the next year. Yeah, you're definitely putting everything you can into this relationship, Alisha!"

"Rose, don't say things like that. You're a part of my family too; my children look up to you, they adore you, and Sergei respects and admires you for all that you've done as Shepherd. You're always welcome in our household, Rose."

"Welcome as what? 'Aunt Rose'? Don't get me wrong, I love your children as if they were my own, but what exactly am I to you, Alisha?" your question sent a dagger into my heart. "Am I just your plaything for a couple of days every year? Am I your babysitter? Am I just your little fling the moment you get tired of having sex with your husband? Am I-?"

My own temper had reached its peak at that point, my right hand swinging forward as a loud smacking sound echoed throughout the vicinity. I felt my eyes swelling in that moment, my breath having become short despite speaking hardly a word, and my chest heavy with guilt.

"Stop it, it's not like that at all, Rose! I love you with all my heart! Every waking moment, every second of rest, and even after I perish, I will always love you, Rose, and don't you ever think otherwise!"

"…you say you love me, but what exactly is it you love?" you retorted. "Is it just because I'm just eye candy you can look at it when no else is around? Is it the sex? Or is it just the idea that you have a woman on the side while still having a husband?"

"It's none of those! Rose, I know for the longest time that I was in denial of how I felt, that I was ashamed of it because of the teachings bestowed upon me by my mother, but I can honestly say now and all of the years that I've known you that I love everything about you; from your uncouth manner of speaking, the way you can just easily speak your mind, the hue of your eyes that remind me of the sea, your red hair that reminds me of your fiery spirit, and even the tender way you whisper my name every time we make love, I love all of these things and everything that you ever were and will ever be!"

I couldn't hold my sadness any longer, my voice hiccupping as I wept. My eyes burned as I stared into the ground, my soul torn in half by exchange; I thought I had my point, but again you surprised me, speaking your next words with a harsh, yet firm truth.

"If you really feel that way about me, then why haven't you said anything?" you questioned. "Your family, do they even know about us, about the real us? Do they know that every year, on this particular week, it's just the two of us on some romantic getaway if you can even call it that? Do they even know that you're really attracted to the same sex?"

"…no, they don't…," I admitted.

"Is it because you love him?"

"Admiration and love is different, that's what you taught me. I admire Sergei for what he's done for our two countries, for being an excellent father to our children when he is present, but I don't love him."

"Then why stay in that loveless marriage?" you raised your voice. "If it's really because of what your mom said when you were a kid, then haven't you already done your part? You got married, you had your kids, so what else do you have to fulfill?"

"Because I don't want to hurt them!" I quickly explained. "Do you understand the heartbreak Sergei would go through when he learns that his wife of over fifteen years never once loved him, that her heart had always belonged to another? Do you understand the humiliation he would have to endure; a decorated general being ostracized by his peers because his wife is in love with another woman? Or my children for that matter; do you know what their schoolmates would say if they found out their mother-?"

"You know what I'm hearing, Alisha? Excuses! Just a bunch of lame-ass excuses! You're already hurting your family, don't you see that? The way you're hiding everything from them, the way you can't even be true to yourself when you're around them, isn't that called 'deception', a 'lie?'

"I love your family, Alisha, I really do. I love your kids as if they were my own; hell, I even love Sergei as if he were my awkward brother who still thinks I was married to his friend to this very day. You know what you're not supposed to do with family above all else, Alisha? You're not supposed to hurt them!"

I felt another fiber of myself ripped away with the truth of your words. I could find no form to protest or acknowledge your statement, your breath as short and your eyes as watery as my own. For several moments we could only stare at one another, saying not a single word as we continued our silent exchange. I struggled to find any kind of reprieve in that moment, I tried to find words to justify my actions, but I could find none.

"Do you know why I slept with you fifteen years ago?" you suddenly questioned. "Do you know why I stayed angry at you for ten years after you married Sergei? Because I wanted the truth, I wanted you to be true to yourself. During both cases, you couldn't be true to yourself. After our first night, you had to make excuses as to why you didn't enjoy it, even denying things after I kissed you the morning after. During your wedding, you lied to Sergei and all of the people that witnessed your ceremony, taking your vows as if there was no meaning behind the words. Even now, you can't tell the truth, you can't bring yourself to tell your family of what you really are and how you supposedly feel about me.

"You know what the truth is, Alisha? You're scared! You're just that same scared little girl from when you were a kid, scared into acting a certain way because people will talk about you, how they'll criticize you. Even after all these years, you're still your mommy's little puppet, even are all these years!"

I could speak nothing more as you pulled back the truth to its bare form, leaving nothing more to hide behind. It was as if the layers I had been hiding behind were suddenly swept away, leaving me naked and afraid. I could find no anger, no sadness upon hearing your words, only fear, fear of the truth and how I had been running from it my entire life.

Yet even as the truth sank in, I knew that this time you would give me reprieve, your body turning around as you spoke your last words to me.

"I won't be coming for you next year," you said. "If you really do love me as you say you do, then I want you to make a choice. No secrets between any of us, including your family. If you're going to continue hurting them, then I want no part of it. Sergei and your kids have done nothing wrong, and if you love them in any way, then stop deceiving them. Be truthful to them and yourself; tell them what's truly in your heart. If you can accept the pain that would come from speaking what's truly in your heart, then come and see me. But if you're just going to continue pretending to play family and continue to hurt them, then don't bother to find me."

"Rose…"

"In one year, I'll be waiting where we first met, the real first place where we met, at the first place you lied to yourself. If you really do love me, you'll remember…"

Without even taking a look back, you took your bags from the ground and walked away. I wanted to chase after you, to assure you that you were the only one in my heart, but I knew doing so would be futile. The words you had spoken were hurtful, yet a true. The way I had been deceiving my family for so long, the lie I forced myself to continue to live despite how my mother was no longer alive, the truth was that I had been hurting them through deception, through this lie.

This lie was a shield I thought, a shield from what I perceived was discrimination from others, from prejudice. And yet with your words, you showed by the true form of my lie; what I created was not a shield, but a prison, a self-made prison…

* * *

I remember the growing agony within my soul that continued to swell within me during this past year, how I would always remember your last words before you disappeared into the morning mist that day after our last conversation. I hadn't seen you since that day, nor had I even heard of any stories of your latest exploits from the townspeople.

The truth, for the longest time I had been hiding the truth from my family. Every day I struggled on deciding whether or not if I should tell them about my true self, about who I really was, about what you really were to me, about what we had actually been doing during the last five years we saw one another. How they would react and the repercussions of them scared me immensely.

The physical and mental anguish of my mother's conversation would always play their part in tugging at the strings of my soul. How they danced around my conscience and revealed to me what would happen to my husband and children. I imagined Sergei being mocked by the entire noble class for having been married to a woman who never loved him, I imagined my children being ostracized and being questioned if they were like their mother, and I imagined the hatred they would bare me for hiding the truth for so long. I had been lying to them for the entire duration of my marriage, I couldn't bear to tell them truth, but…

…but I had to be true… I meant what I said that day, Rose, that I truly do love you for everything you are and will ever be. There were never any secrets between us, there was nothing that could ever hold us back, everything but my own selfishness and self doubt.

I had a choice to make, a difficult one that I would struggle with this past year. My conscience and heart would always go back forth over my decisions, about the consequences of either choice. To continue living a lie so that my family would remain happy, even though I was harming them by hiding the truth; or tell them the truth for my own happiness but risk them hating me forever more? It was not an easy decision, but by some miracle, I had made my choice, a choice I do not know if I will regret…

* * *

It was raining two weeks ago when I finally found the courage to speak, the time it would take to arrive at the place where we first met. Sergei was in his study, looking over some new applications for recruits. My children were at school at the time, leaving a rare opportunity for Sergei and I to be alone. I found myself standing outside his study's door for possibly an hour, unable to find the courage to knock or let myself in. Again both choices were tugging at my heart, the two bittersweet futures that would not guarantee anyone a happy ending.

Yet somehow, I found the courage to move forward, opening the double doors to my husband's study. In spite of my abrupt entrance, Sergei simply remained seated, his eyes still glazing over the military recruit applications as if I was not even there. Again I thought of running away in that very second, I thought of my family's happiness, but his words returned me to the future at hand.

"Is something the matter, Alisha?" he questioned, still looking over his documents.

"…Sergei…," I found my body becoming tense as I stood before him. "…we need to talk…"

"You'd like to speak with me?" he asked, placing all of his papers down on his desk. "Then please, have a seat."

"Thank you."

Taking the chair in front of him, I found it awkward sitting across from him. Even to this day, I still found it strange to look him in the eye, finding it even more uncomfortable than ever with the matter at hand. Again I felt like running, simply because I wasn't sure how to even start this conversation.

"Is something the matter?" he questioned.

"…yes, there is…," I could barely speak.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

I wanted to run, I wanted to cry, I wanted to forget how I even tried to speak the truth, but then I remembered what you told me a year before. I was hurting them; I was hurting my family by continuing to live this lie. It was never my intent to hurt my family in any way, even if it meant risking their own happiness…

"…I've been lying to you this whole time…," I managed to speak.

"What do you mean?"

Go for it. You can do it. I imagined your kind words encouraging me as they always did. My truth, our love, I had to do this, I had to tell him the truth, even if it meant hurting him and the children.

"…Sergei, there's no easy way for me to say this, but the truth is, I… I don't love you… I've never loved you… I've always been…"

For the first time I saw what looked displeasure on his face, how his jaw remained tightly shut and his eyes unblinking. For several moments, we simply sat there, with myself unable to truly look him in the eye. Even though I couldn't see his full expression from where I sulked, I knew from the lack of words that I…I hurt him. I knew I was already hurting him and the children by hiding the truth from them all these years, but to see what I thought was actual disbelief and anguish in his eyes, it only…broke me inside.

Tell him it was a cruel joke, that your words meant nothing, these were the words a part of me told me to say, but my conscience and heart had told me otherwise. I had to be true, I could no longer continue hurting them by denying them of who I really was. Knowing this, I continued my words, despite the further anguish it would cause.

"…I've always been in love with Rose… Rose has always been the love of my life, long before I had even met you, Sergei. I…I thought marrying you would only solidify the treaty between our nations, that for the sake of the many, I had to sacrifice my own happiness. Yet, after all these years, I've been hurting you, the children, and myself by denying you of this fact. I…I do love you, Sergei, as the father of my children and for what you've done for our two nations, but my heart, my soul, everything that I am and will be, it has always belonged to Rose."

With that, I could say no more. I had done it, I had broken my marriage in a single paragraph. I had revealed to my husband of sixteen years the truth I had hidden for so long. The pain I never wished to bestow upon him was as apparent as ever, the torment reflecting from his eyes tearing my own heart, but at the same time, I felt…relieved, as if a breath of fresh air had finally passed over me. I had said the truth, I had bore him my soul for the very first time in sixteen years, and it felt…good.

However, I expected some form of retort, words of disbelief and possibly anger and contempt. I expected him to lose his temper, to belittle me, to curse me and the lie we had lived over the past sixteen years. I was prepared for my punishment, yet I accepted that what would be would be, and I would accept it full heartedly for I had finally pulled back the veils of lies I had lived for so long.

"…I know…," he surprisingly replied in a calm manner.

"What?"

"I've always known your heart always belonged to another; I always knew it belonged to Shepherd Sorey's widow. The way you looked at her reflection during our wedding day sixteen years ago, the way you always observed her with those longing eyes when we were together, I always knew that your heart was and never will be mine."

"If you knew all along Sergei, then why?" I couldn't help but question. "Why even agree to marry me? Why stay married to me if you knew the truth?"

"Because I admire you, Alisha," my husband replied with no hesitation. "You have my utmost respect; the way you would marry another simply to aid our two countries in solidifying the peace between them, I knew I could find no one more suitable to be my wife, even if we did not share a mutual love for one another.

"And the children we bore, they are the embodiment of that peace we wished to create; you are an excellent mother, the way you raised our children despite your busy life as a politician. I could find no one better to have been my wife, even though I knew our love was not one that was true.

"Alisha, every husband wants their spouse to be happy, regardless of who it is with. I want you to know that I am happy with my life as it is now, with the children and my career. I want you to be happy too, Alisha, be happy with the one you dedicated your heart and soul to.

"Go, Alisha, go to the one you love and be happy; I will inform the children of your decision and of the truth. I can raise them in your stead, I can ensure that the embodiments of the peace we created will grow strong and mature. Even though you are going to be with the one you love, please know that the children and I care for you and Rose regardless."

I found myself speechless at my husband's words, the air around me becoming lighter than ever, as if the suffocating atmosphere I had breathed for so long had finally disappeared. I could find no words as to the relief he had given me, the burden that I had been freed from, and the truth that I could now freely live. Yet I did find two words that I could speak, two words that failed to truly express the truth that was now free.

"…thank you…"

"Be happy, Alisha," he said with a smile on his face. "Go to the one you love. Please know that no matter what happens, you two will always have a home here."

"I…I will! I will be happy, Sergei! Thank you. Thank you for everything, Sergei…"

And with that, my heart quickly guided me out the door, guiding me toward the future we could now share…

* * *

…and thus, here I am… The first place we had first met, in the place where I had made my first lie about us.

The morning air of Ladylake is as cold as ever, the smell of sweet grilled fish emanating from the inn, and the many people living their everyday lives as they passed through the streets. Here I was again, standing amongst the commoners, knights and noblemen in passing, just another body in the growing mass of civilization.

I find myself walking a familiar road, one I had walked often when I used to reside in this city. I see some of the people stop in their paths, their eyes affixed on the pink outline of my uniform and the lance in my hand. I hear their words and whispers, questioning my identity as I pass them without a second glance.

"Is that Princess Alisha Diphda-Strelka?" I hear them say.

"Is the princess here on business; she hasn't returned to the city in years."

"Maybe she's just a lookalike."

"No, I'm not a lookalike," I address those that speak. "I am Princess Alisha Diphda-Strelka and I am here on personal business."

Those that spoke remain speechless upon hearing my answer, returning to their daily lives soon thereafter. Satisfied, I continue on my way, my own lips beaming wider with every step I take. The truth, to finally my life with the lies and burdens that were forced upon me, I find myself able to hold my head up high and continue on my way.

It is then that I come to the place you had spoken of, where my truth soon became soured by a lie. A sense of bittersweet nostalgia sweeps over me in this moment, reminding me of the pain I had forced you to endure since the moment our eyes had met. The lie I had been living, the cruel words that I had said, the denial of who I truly I was, it had all come forward once again.

Yet the truth was now shining more brightly than ever. The way my lips curled whenever I was with you, the slight breeze that washed over me every time we kissed, the fires that burned every time I felt your touch, the memory of all of these things and our time together was now uninhibited. I am in love with you, Rose, and nothing and no one can prevent me from expressing how I truly feel.

As I brace myself once more, it is then that I hear your voice. I feel the throbbing in my chest take center stage now, my breath becoming short, and my knees buckling. It is like a lullaby in my ears, an endearing sound that makes me feel so weak and yet so strong. My longing for you overtakes me now, my feet pushing me forward as swiftly as possible as I run straight for the source.

"Nice to finally meet you in person, Princess Alisha," I remember the first words we had exchanged.

"Our paths are different," more conversations of the past began to echo.

"Oh, I'm sorry, is it because it'll be your first? If it makes you feel any better, they're quite smooth thanks to the lip liner I use every few hours. Come on, you know you want to."

"Morning, lover!"

"…oh, you're sorry? Sorry about what exactly? Sorry that you let me take your so-called 'purity'? Sorry that you slept with another woman in a drunken stupor? Just tell me what exactly you're sorry for?!"

"I love you, Alisha…"

"I love you, Rose…"

"Rose," I say your name in the present, my voice growing louder as I close the distance between us. "Rose… Rose!"

Like a veil pulling back to reveal the sunlight, I see you standing there, standing before the citizens in the same manner of dress I had first seen you. Again I find myself glued to the charm of your sky blue eyes, the shimmer of your fiery red hair, and the smell of roses permeating from your breath. My gaze falls upon the sunlight glistening against your cream-like skin, my knees melting from your beaming charisma and my mouth beaming as I hear your voice, speaking the same words you had spoke when we first met.

"Step right up folks, we've got the latest wares at prices that'll make you-"

And yet, you stopped this time, your voice suddenly halting as your gaze falls upon me. Again I feel my heart sink as it did that day, the beating inside me once again becoming slow and heavy. I see the curve of your smile slowly melt and relax as it did that day, your eyes beginning to water before me. I find my throat becoming parched as I stare at you, the air around me lifting me into the cloud themselves. With my heart guiding me, I react the way I should have all those years ago, my hand giving you a simple wave and my voice speaking a single word.

"Hello."

"Hey," you return the gesture.

"Is something the matter, Boss?" one of the Shepherds in the guise of a Sparrowfeather questions you.

"You got this covered, right?" you ask your subordinate. "I'm gonna take five real quick."

"W-wait, what? But Boss-!"

It is then that you step through the crowd, the masses practically parting as you make your approach. I feel my nerves getting the best of me again, the shy girl from many years ago almost taking hold of me once again. Yet I stand my ground, remaining firm as I hold the truth in my heart, holding it for the world to see. Your form begins to slightly blur as you approach, my emotions again getting the best of me as they always have. Yet I continue to stand, not running, not turning away, my gaze still upon you and never leaving my sight.

"Alisha?"

"Rose…"

Your gentle touch passes against my cheek, wiping away the single river that begins to trace downward. My own hand passes over your own before it could fall from my face, my gaze still locked into the sight of your pupils. I find myself still smiling as I stare into your eyes, those endless blue eyes that continue to look at me as if they were gazing straight into my soul.

"Alisha, what-?"

"I came for you," I reply. "The truth that I had so long denied, I'm denying it no longer. I want you and the whole world to know that I love you, Rose!" the words effortlessly leave my lips. "I am in love with you and there is no denying that fact."

"Wait, did the princess just say she loved that woman?" the nobles begin to whisper amongst each other.

"By the Seraphim, what about her marriage to General Sergei Strelka?! How disgraceful that she could even-!"

"I don't care what you all think or say!" I glare at those that speak ill of us. "This is the woman I love and I am proud to be in love with her! I love you, Rose," I turn to you once again. "I love you, and I no longer need to hide it."

"Alisha… I love you too, and I also don't need hide it."

I find my body quickly lunging forward now, your arms quickly catching me before we could fall. In that moment our bodies meet, I find my lips pressing against yours, the smooth surface of your mouth sweeping over me like the spring air. I wrap my arms tightly around your shoulders, your own draping just above my hips; we hold each other as if we could never let go, as if time itself had become frozen in this one moment.

Finally I pull away from each other's embrace, only to see the ramifications of our actions. I see the disgust and disapproval of the highborn now that immediately surround us, how they see us nothing more than scum. I can see how they look down at us, their shock and repulsion of the events that had just transpired.

Yet I find those of the common and lower classes from the rear of the masses also staring, but with a familiar light in their eye, a look of acceptance and hope. They look at us as if we were one of them, as if we are champions of their plight. I see it again, that joy they expressed whenever I observed them in times past, that happiness they had always expressed when living in their own worlds, a happiness we now find ourselves in.

"You two!" the familiar sound of fully armored soldiers quickly break through the crowd. "You're both under arrest for indecent exposure!"

"Indecent exposure?" you shrug with a familiar mischievous grin on your face. "Seriously, if you're gonna arrest us for indecent exposure, at least let me undress my lady here while we-"

"R-Rose!" your words make me blush.

"Save it for the holding cell!"

Before the mob of soldiers could say or do anything further, a sudden gust of wind suddenly pushes through the knights and noblemen, dividing them down the center. A large splash of water from the aqueducts soon washes over more of them, sending some of them to the floor, followed by a sudden formation of two stone walls that form before the two of us and edges of the path that was opened. Bits of flame dance in the sky soon after, as if to light our newly made path out of the city. I turn back to where you once stood, finding our four seraphim friends staring back at us with smiles on their face, each of them showing the same look of approval of the common and lower classes.

"Alisha, Rose, please be happy," Lailah tells us.

"You only live once," Zaveid surprisingly speaks with words of wisdom, "go live everyday as if it's your last."

"You never know how much time you'll have together with the ones you love," Edna adds, leaving her sarcasm out of her speech. "Spend it wisely."

"You've given our world a future, and now it's our turn to give you yours," Mikleo tells both of us. "Alisha, Rose, go live out your future in the way it was meant to be lived, together."

"And just who was your future meant to be lived with?" the earth seraph teased.

"…wait, what?" her words only confused the younger seraph.

"Still haven't finished your homework, huh Mickey Boy?" the wind seraph added.

"Hm hm, he's as clueless as ever," the fire seraph giggled.

"Wait, why is everyone picking on me all of a sudden?"

The future, a time I never would have thought of until now. With the truth now told, all that awaits us is the future. Yet where would our future go, where would it take us? I don't know the answer, I don't know where we'll be. I wish to know, I want to know.

"Come on, Alisha!" you take my hand unto yours, your grin as beaming as ever. "Let's go!"

"Go? Go where?"

"I dunno. To the Volgran Forest? To Elyssia? To Camlann? The answer is simple."

"Simple how?"

"No matter where we go, no matter what we do, from now on, it'll be the two of us together! It doesn't matter what anyone thinks, it doesn't matter what they say, the fact remains that we'll always be together. It's simple, Alisha. It's always been so simple."

Simple… All along it's always been so simple. The matters of my heart, the decision I should have made long ago, the future that lies ahead, it's always been so simple. It's simply because…

"Then let's go, Rose," I tighten my hold of your hand. "Together, let us go toward our future, together."

I won't worry as it's simply because I know you will always be my side…

* * *

 **Author's Note:** And with that, are bittersweet tale has come to a close. This was probably the most difficult story that I've written so far, namely having to fit so much content of a large time span into a single oneshot story. It was also difficult for me because I had to get into a rather negative and depressing mindset to write this fic in order to get the mood right. Originally I was thinking of having an ending where Alisha and Rose did not end up together, with Alisha staying in her loveless marriage for the rest of her days, but I thought that the story was already depressing enough that I decided to go with a happier ending.

I'm not sure where I got the inspiration to write this fic exactly, but I think it was the Lastonbell scene in Alisha DLC of _Tales of Zestiria_. I think it was the first time these two truly got to know each other, learning of each other's faults and plights through their fight; as the saying goes, you don't really know someone until you fight with them. There was also originally a small sub-plot in this story with Alisha having a crush on Maltran as she was growing up (I might be able to salvage this scene and make a short oneshot prequel fic with these scenes if it is requested enough), but unfortunately I had to cut this part and other small parts from this story entirely as it made the story much longer but didn't add anything to the overall plot. These scenes that were cut included more of Alisha's loveless marriage, Alisha and Rose exploring a ruin, Rose speaking of a past same sex relationship she had long ago, a longer fight scene with the werewolves and a few other scenes with the seraphim. Some of these will be salvaged however and can be used in my next oneshot project, _Because_ , or be placed as flashback scenes for my main project, _End of an Era_.

Speaking of _End of an Era_ , I can say that Alisha and Rose will return in some form in Act 3 of _End of an Era_. What role they'll play and what form they'll appear in will be revealed with time. For that matter, Alisha won't be so wishy-washy as she was in this fic (but that was kind of expected given what she had to go through in this story). Moreover, some of Alisha's descendents will also play small roles in the story. However, the events of this story do have some ramifications, namely what happened to Alisha's family after she left her marriage and what happened to Alisha and Rose thereafter? For that matter, there are a few other aspects of this story that will bleed over into _End of an Era_ , a few things that were mentioned but obviously did not take center stage.

I guess one thing I can mention is the scarlet moon mentioned. Those who have seen the trailers for _Tales of Berseria_ probably recognize it and can possibly theorize how it's linked to malevolence in _Tales of Zestiria_ ; while I'm not sure of the exact nature of the link between daemonblight and malevolence, I can say that there is another force at work here, one that has yet to reveal itself in _End of an Era_. The Scarlet Moon will play a part in my main project, but whether it's the same one that is experienced in _Tales of Berseria_ or something else entirely, well, we'll just have to wait and see.

In any case, the next project on the list is my Mikleo X Edna fic, _Because_. Originally it was going to be the second chapter of this story, but I figured the couplings were too different that it would be best to just separate the two stories. For that matter, now that _Simply_ is complete, there probably isn't going to be as much overlap as I had expected; if anything, _Because_ 's timeline will continue long past the timeline that was set out in this story, but there will be maybe one or two scenes of overlap. I'm hoping that _Because_ will be more upbeat and even comedic than this story with the pairing involved, but there will be some drama involved. With _Because_ , I'd like to demonstrate how their relationship evolves over time, how Edna first looks at Mikleo as nothing but a little kid at first, but watches him grow up to be a man she can admit that she is in love with.

Anyways, I think I've definitely rambled on long enough. I hope you all enjoyed this story as much as I have writing it. Please feel free to leave me a review with some constructive criticism so that I may improve my craft, especially in this genre as I'm entirely new to shoujo-ai. I know this story was a lot to write for only a oneshot, I might break it up into multiple chapters later on to make it easier to navigate. Also, please let me know if you'd like me to go forward with making Alisha's crush on Maltran into a story in itself; if I do go down this path, it will probably also include Rose's past relationship as well, with both Alisha and Rose talking about their previous experiences in the present and how it helped them grow.

Thank you again for reading my story! I hope to see you all again soon!


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